I Heart Me – Becoming Real

Have you ever asked yourself why you HAVE to be better? WHAT do you have to be better than? WHO do you have to be better than? And what do you base your scale of “better” on? These are all signs of not loving self totally. I LOVE MYSELF WARTS AND ALL! It’s not about making yourself better and then loving yourself. It is about loving yourself here and now as you are. WHO cares that you have grey hair or look ‘homely’ or have acne or varicose veins? Why do you have to change before you love yourself? And WHO told you that having grey hair or looking homely was a BAD thing? These are ALL beliefs we have picked up through our environment and our family. It seems to be really hard for most of us to look in the mirror and say, “Ok, I have bags under my eyes.” Then if we REACT to what we see due to our current beliefs, we then choose to change our diet or get out the makeup and cover it all so we can’t see it and also so no one else can see it – so no one can see us as we really are.

We fear being judged or being seen less-than others. We fear we won’t be loved or accepted in this ego and material driven world. We hide behind our False Expectations/Emotions Appear Real! Can you see the meaning of this? False EXPECTATION! We believe we are going to receive a certain reaction or response from others through past experience or from information that we have absorbed as truth from the outside world – from the media, from television and from others who live in fear AND somehow that has become important to us. We all live in fear of something – every one of us! It is due to fear that we create a false self to show the world. And watch out anyone who dares to uncover the truth. This façade self becomes us! We cover up so much of our real self that the façade is all we know. It keeps us safe, loved, wealthy and beautiful – or so we believe.

The only way to know the truth about what I say is by letting go of that which makes you safe, loved, wealthy or beautiful. Who would be happy within themselves if everything was taken away from them right now, even but for a moment for the sake of this discussion? We are so afraid of kmowing that we have fear and that is why we create the façade. We show the world “I am not afraid”.

So we are afraid of our fear and we create this façade,so let’s take covering our fear as the example: “I am afraid for my life. Why am I afraid for my life? Is it not because I truly feel vulnerable, powerless, insignificant or possibly worthless, depending on the situation?” What is the best way to feel the opposite of these things? What will make us feel powerful, significant and worthy? Consider why there is so much violence in the world? It is due to the lack of love and understanding we have for ourselves and others. We choose to live in fear or hide our fear. We hide our fear behind anger. Depending on how fearful we are as to the level of our anger. It could merely be slight annoyance or frustration. Example, we have news about our life to share with a friend. We start to tell our story and our friend seems less than interested. We now may feel some annoyance because we are not being listened to. We continue with our story and this friend seems more distracted or less interested. “Are you listening to me?” “Come on listen” or “Let me finish”. Do any of these sound familiar? This is the perfect case of wanting others to listen to us or to hear us. Our fear of not being listened to or wanting to be heard that dictates our reaction of anger (annoyance/frustration) all because we do not want to feel our fear and whatever is driving that fear – our false beliefs and emotions. We want to keep our façade so we get annoyed. If someone stops meeting our addiction we start to limit interaction or completely remove them from our life.

We have lived this way for so long that it is part of our nature. So now if we have lived this way for so long, would we want to give it up? Who wants to feel what is truly there? Who wants to know the reality of their soul? Who wants to know that they at the deepest level feel unloved, unworthy, feel like nothing, like no one or alone? We are so busy trying to hide the truth that we create new truths which are all part of the façade. We create affirmations that convince us that we are loved and worthy. We create relationships that are based on the facade so we can live a seemingly peaceful and happy life.

Do we truly believe that if we felt loved at our core that we would need an affirmation? So then why do we hide the truth of feeling unloved or unworthy, or of feeling lonely and insignificant? It is so much easier to live in the façade. It is through living in this façade that we create addictions. Addictions are the opposite of how we truly feel deep at our core. Addictions all have expectations behind them. Want to know if you have an addiction, look for an expectation and there is the truth. For example if “I feel unloved I can create the façade of feeling loved. I find a partner who desires the same thing, to feel loved. So if I don’t want to go out and work so then he goes out and becomes the bread winner. So now I can be the princess and be pampered and in return he can providing security, wealth and love. In return I then cook, clean, treat him like a king (which includes sexual favours) and instantly we have a seemingly beautiful existence. To many this would seem “normal”. I expect certain things from him and visa versa, here is a relationship based on addictions created due to fear”.

But what happens when the desires of one or both change? The love stops flowing or the money or the sex, what happens then? The addiction is now not being met and chaos breaks out. The bartering system of the facade stops functioning and the relationship breaks down. So then both parties are feeling less than loved by the experience. But was it truly LOVE that was driving their relationship or the neediness for love: the lack of love that they both feel deep within their core. Many people believe love hurts. It is the lack of love that they have deep in their core that causes the pain. It is the loss of the illusion of love that makes us feel hurt. And if we go back to the beginning of this discussion, it is from the lack of love of ourselves that drives this lack of love throughout our whole life.

It is easier to create a façade and live in the addictions and expectations we place on ourselves and others than to face the truth of how unloved we feel at our core. To truly heal we need to heal from our core and not from the façade. Start looking at who we really are and acknowledge what we find, begin the path to acceptance and then change the amount of love we have for ourself by discarding the façade. Show the real Self to the world piece by piece and uncover all of the addictions that create anger, which merely cover our fear – the fear of seeing and knowing our true self.

No one wants to be told they are unlovable, but if that is true at our core, why not confront it rather than hide from it. We don’t want to know the truth. Pain comes from the avoidance, resistance and denial of our true Self. Our world is working hard to keep us in the façade: We have to fit in or we will be ostracized, humiliated, classed as crazy or too sensitive and possibly even harmed. These are all through our fears of wanting to fit in, to be loved. We dare not go against the norm. We can rebel against governments, rules and unjustness, but what about rebelling against that which can really make a difference to Self – for Self. Rebel against the façade that we currently believe to be real! And when I say rebel, I mean to acknowledge the anger, fear and pain that is within us.

Have courage and surrender to our true Self, break through and be real! Feel the pain we have created. Feel the dis-ease of our beliefs. Become truly free! The love we can have for ourselves is unlimited and extremely powerful. When we shed our fears, we tap into this power and begin to know who we are and then for the first time in our lives WE BECOME REAL.