A Brush With Fear

In my early 20’s I lived in a remote area that still had punts or ferries as there were also known, at river crossings as there were no bridges. I had pulled up at the punt crossing in my car and noticed whistling coming from the engine bay and notice the temperature gauge registering it was overheating. I had just missed the punt so there would have been a 15-20min wait and I couldn’t ignore it. Luckily I had a 2 litre bottle of water with me, it was better than nothing. I had heard somewhere to leave the motor running so that the head won’t crack from the change in temperature so I left the car idle as I lifted the bonnet. In those days cars didn’t come with fancy covers to shield you from the spinning fan of the engine, so I had to take extra care with whatever I used to remove the cap as to it not catching and pulling my hand into the blades. As I listened to the high pitched whistling, my heart pounding and my chest ached as I breathed heavily. I was terrified, trembling and alone – with a 9 week old baby asleep in the back seat. I knew I had to do something or the engine would cook. I used a pullover and doubled it up and slowly twisted the radiator cap slowly tilting it away from me and waiting for the imminent spurt to thrust it out of my hands. To my relief there was only a small puff of steam and not the imagined gush of scalding steam and liquid. I proceeded to pour the water into the radiator and quickly replaced the cap as fresh steam streamed out. After closing the bonnet I returned to the driver’s seat, I sat there quiet and shaking. The whistling stopped and I silently sat listening to the humming of the engine at idle. I looked back at my son who was still fast asleep in the baby capsule. A sense of achievement came over me as I sat there patiently waiting for the punt.

Why do we have fear?

We have fear because we have preconceived ideas about the potential outcome because of something that has happened to us before or to someone else we know or because we saw it happen, read about it or were told about it by someone who heard about it, saw it, read it etc. Usually it happened once or in some cases, merely had the potential to happen. Even the fear of the unknown can come from other fears, hence the need to know all of the answers before taking action; some call it minimising risk and is the reason why we do so much planning for future events, sometimes to the “nth” degree.

Phobias are generally not about the item itself, e.g. spiders, snakes etc. If we trace it back through our life emotionally we will find that it was more likely to be the item that we associated with the traumatic event, one usually from our early childhood. Also there is generally no memory of this due to the trauma associated with it. With trauma is an element of terror. Terror is real in an emotional sense. It is emotion frozen in time and when it is accessed through some form of emotional clearing work it will be expressed at the age it was frozen. For example if you were sexually molested as a child, say 3 years of age, in most cases there is no recollection of it due to obvious emotional, physical and psychological trauma. The memory of it has been supressed and when accessed there will be shaking and trembling, possible screaming and crying as the emotion is experienced and released- as if we were 3 again. That was an extreme example, another one would be: you as a child playing with a daddy long legs or other spider or bug and having your mother hysterically shrieking at you in total panic about how it will hurt you. Can you imagine how distressing that would be for the 3 year old?

What is Fear?

Fear is: False Expectations/Emotions (and Beliefs) Appearing Real. When fear is present the truth of the situation at hand is warped and the automatic response is to go into defence mode. I believe the flight or fight mode is bred into us and is not part of our natural state.

I’d like to talk about fears that most people wouldn’t classify as fears. I’m talking about fear of being: wrong, rejected, embarrassed, shamed, let down, unloved, abandoned, alone, punished and failure to name a few. Want some more? There is also being: ignored, forgotten, misunderstood, unheard, silenced, unworthy, undervalued or invisible. I think you get the picture! When we have these types of fear we are generally living in the past.

In Closing

People constantly process the information around them through their own emotional filters. By information I am referring to everything that is seen, heard, touched, tasted and smelt. Every moment people perceive the world around them through these emotional filters. Over the past four years I have observed how fear dictates people lives, the choices they make and how that in turn puts limitations on what they do and don’t do in life.

I can talk about this as it is something I am always looking out for in myself and have grown from as a result. My observations include myself not just others; what I observe in others I turn around and look out for situations where I may have done the same thing or made similar decisions (inaction is also a decision). It is quite humbling and yet powerful at the same time.


The Divine Connection

It’s been 4.5 years and I finally get it! Up until now I have been trying to do it my way. I have wanted to remain self-reliant rather than being God-reliant and I now know the difference. I am not yet doing it constantly but I now understand the process. I know what it feels like. I know that it isn’t scary when I involve God. I am still learning how to use my will to be more loving and feel my emotions as they happen. It is so easy to let my mind take over and listen to the thoughts which keep me repeating unhealthy patterns.

It’s also about raising your vibration so that you connect with higher guides so that the messages that do come through are clearer and more loving. There are many truths out there and if your guides are sharing information on other people or the universe than your connection is not with your higher guides. Higher guides will share information on God’s definition of love and God’s truth. Generally if you haven’t the desire to be more loving and learn what love is as God defines it, then you might not have any of these higher guides. Your guides are attracted to you through your desires, so assess your desires and you will then have an idea of why your guides are with you.

Raising your vibration is done through learning how to love yourself as God defines love. Hence I suggest developing a desire to love yourself and actively process through disharmonious emotions while being connected to God. My hint is to connect with God first and then process your emotions, not the other way around. And when you process, don’t look for words to describe what is going on with you. It is all about the sensation of what you are feeling and words generally don’t come into it.

Processing is the feeling of sensations – all emotions have a sensation. Fear, terror & pain themselves never killed anyone yet most avoid the sensations associated with them. When you learn to connect with God, you are safe to feel all of those sensations that make you feel uncomfortable. It is only your preconceived beliefs that hold you back from openly expressing the sensations of emotions at any given moment. On that note may I also state that they are not all deep, dark and intense!

Emotional processing is personal and other than God, you don’t need to involve anyone. It can be discrete and if you are accessing something deep then move yourself into a space where you can release it without an audience. If you are after an audience then you are not actively processing YOUR emotions. Obviously in some situations moving is not possible, however you can still actively process through the emotion(s).

So ultimately aspire to be connected to God 24/7. Process through the emotions whether joyful or not, notice what truths come through and the sensation of receiving God’s love. You will most likely have an “aha” moment or be in a state of calm. I still get blown away by how simple God’s truths are and remain in awe of them: I thank my guides, my friends, others who have helped me on my journey, God and also myself, for if I had not wanted to know God or myself in the beginning I would not be striving for a life filled with true love and boundless joy.

And for those that haven’t worked it out, that’s life without fear, pain and misery.

Which connection do you choose? I choose The Divine Connection.

Be All That You Can Be

In a world where few people are totally responsible for all of their actions, their behaviour, their safety or their impact on the planet it is easy to blame someone or something else for all of their foibles, shortcomings, weaknesses, faults, imperfections, idiosyncrasies, flaws, defects or what is happening to them– get the picture? To quit smoking, lose weight, be a better person, change a habit or give up an addiction – all it takes is self-discipline. It all starts with you and ends with you.

How many times do you hear people say,” I will when I gain self-confidence” or “when someone shows me”? They want someone else to motivate them, guide them and even do it for them so they can sit back reap the rewards. I’m not saying we can’t enlist the help of others at time to time, but to be aware when this become a habit.

Society is set up so that we give away our personal power and to keep us weak & dependent on the system and culture we live in. We are constantly deceived and being fed misinformation about life in general. We are sheep following those that herd us. It is so easy to listen and believe what others say rather than research the truth for ourselves. It’s easier for someone else to grow our food, make our clothes, create waste facilities and water systems. We create roles so that others cook, clean, iron or provide for us. It is easier to pay for someone else to do it and become dependent on them, yet when the system fails the blame falls on others. Self-sufficiency is lost from the modern western world. In this world of instant gratification, fast food and self-glorification, we as a society have become complacent.

Our potential to be the unlimited beings we have been created to be is quite achievable, but only if we start desiring to be fully responsible for ourselves. Self-discipline is required. It is easy to say “I can’t” or “I’m not good enough.” But right here and now I ask – why not? It also takes persistence. The beliefs, habits and life patterns that have been set up within us are in-ground and it may take time to change, but it will happen. It all depends on how much you want it!

Society has moulded me and I too currently fail at being responsible for myself totally. I have chosen however to focus my journey on becoming more responsible. No one in society can fully help me either as we all have failings. I myself have discovered that the only one who can truly help me is God. God knows me inside and out. Would it not make sense to ask and learn from my designer/engineer/creator personally? It makes perfect sense as I strive to “be all that I can be.”

Response to A Blogger’s Quandary

Ta-da! I am here. Yes I am still writing and I would have continued to write but not necessarily in the format of this blog.

Whether you have noticed or not, I try not to sensor my material of the emotional stuff that is currently part of me. My intention is to help people, to inspire them and to open up their minds to a different belief system that they may be used to. Previously I got caught up in avoiding my law of attraction rather than just tell my story, share my beliefs and let the reader be the reader.

Over the past few days I have been pondering about my life purpose, my gifts, my passions and my values. I had never before thought about amalgamating them. It’s a good thing apparently as it will guide me to my “Divine purpose” and I definitely want to know what that is!

In my heart I already know my Divine purpose, I have known for a while. I even presented a workshop in early 2013 which touched on it. It is because of my life purpose that one of my desires is “to learn to love myself”. It is preparing me to receive higher guidance and to the information which will be presented in future. These lessons in self-love in turn reveal more of my gifts while opening up my mind and softening my heart so that I learn even more about myself and life. Gone are all of the pretences, all of the facades and any illusions (a few more to go yet).

This is as real as it gets folks! Live now and don’t be afraid to learn about where it is you are going after you pass from this world, as this physical life is but a blink of an eye in the totality that is your existence.

I am once again inspired to inspire others! Follow me or follow me not, that is your choice. My journey continues whether there is one reader, millions or none. Cheers.

P.S. Please feel free to comment on any of my posts. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

A Blogger’s Quandary

In 2013 I wrote a number of posts for this blog but I didn’t post any of them and if you notice the date of the previous one you will notice a gap between then and now.

There is more than one reason to why I haven’t posted any of them. One of them was because of how others were misinterpreting my words. Is it my duty as a writer to have others to understand what I write or do I let them get their own meaning out of it? Heck, I wanted others to know what I meant by my writing and how dare they twist it so! Then on the other hand I remember reading passages in books which gave me insightful information and then years later when reading the same passage getting a totally different meaning from it. Maybe that is the sign of a good writer, for people to get some benefit out of it regardless of where they are on their journey.

Another reason was because I was becoming disillusioned by other writers and how I believed they were leading their readers down the “wrong path”.

As you may already see there were all kinds of emotions coming to the forefront. There was guilt, anger, shame and regret (not posting something and then someone else posting a similar story).

I originally began this blog to keep track of my growth over time but, at some point last year something changed. I could say it was fear but I feel it was due to my new belief that my growth didn’t necessarily need to be spread out over cyberspace. I am beginning to see that growth is a personal journey and I don’t need a moment by moment recollection for all to see.

Someone once told me that I didn’t have to share all of the gifts I received and I now know what that means. By sharing them without first enjoying them and letting them grow within me was like squandering lotto winnings. Some gifts not only need treasuring but also need to be nurtured to let them develop, to fully understand them and gain the most from them. Then and only if I wanted to, I could share them with others. It’s about discerning what is there to be shared and what is to be kept close…. just because.

I am still passionate about writing but at this point I am not sure in what form I would like to publish my life to the world. Am I ready to be a published writer? I almost feel like a fraud as I make statements that are what I believe to be my truth and my opinions, and not necessarily based on any credible facts. And if it was, why haven’t I bothered to note down its source:  And how credible is that source? It may well simply be someone else’s truth and opinion, and not based on fact at all. I am blessed with moral obligation to not lead my readers astray. I don’t want to merely repeat something I have read or heard, but rather to write through experience, to write my story. I’m not sure if I have honestly done that in the past. I am also over writing advice and telling people how to do things and how to live their life. I just want to write it as it happened and share “what I did”.

I am at a turning point, a time of transition. I ask myself……..

“Does my story need to be told at all?”

Having Your Cake and Eating it – Or Choosing Something Better

“To truly have your cake and eat it is to let go of the idea that you need to have your cake and eat it.”

I have noticed people have gurus and search for answers outside of themselves because they aren’t prepared to accept help from the only Being that knows them better than anyone else. They don’t even acknowledge that this Being is real or that they can have a relationship with him&her. Either through fear or through ignorance due to choice based on their current beliefs systems. They hold onto untruths due to what they have been told throughout their lives or read from some ancient out-dated manuscripts, charts and ways of life. These same manuscripts etc which were written by confused, yearning men and women just like themselves; all putting their own interpretation on what they believe is true.

I believe there is only one Being who knows ALL truth. Most will not know this Being unless they are prepared to separate themselves from him&her. To see, feel and know this Being as an individual, as the true parent and creator of all of us! There is nothing random or chaotic in the creations of this parent, only the sin (missing the mark) and error that we as individuals bring to this world.  It is through our own ignorance and choice that we see destruction in a perfect world. We create, war, famine, pestilence etc. through our fear, greed and hatred. We create our own pain and dis-ease. It is through our choices alone that disorder, chaos and mayhem exist.

 Most of us are not even interested in stopping for long enough to observe this for ourselves! We shape the world around us through our arrogance of being at the top of the food chain. This arrogance is what brings destruction to an otherwise perfect world. Our hatred manifests itself in everything around us. Our world reflects the hate and fear we have. Animals kill & eat animals; they retaliate and destroy life because WE destroy life. The greater our fear and hatred the more turbulent nature gets. And yes it has been going on since the dawn of time.

But who am I to preach these words? I am but an observer who has desired to know the truth, see the truth and feel the truth! I don’t need you to agree with me or heed my words. My blog is a record of my growth. It is up to you to choose to read it and/or to believe it.

As I see it, we can continue to be arrogant and remain ignorant or gain wisdom through desiring truth. Why else have you bothered to read thus far let alone even come to this blog! There must be something in you that has sparked some curiosity besides a desire to discredit me! Hopefully it is because you desire to know a bit more about me!

The world is also full of wondrous things, true reflections of our great and loving creator. I believe it is our Creators desire that we learn more about him&her. And to hopefully desire to find out the truth about our creation and our purpose to bring forth more wonder, beauty and bliss to this world. That begins with knowing what is truly loving to all concerned.

I am comfortable with knowing when I am wrong or have harmed others, which includes myself. I accept change so that I may become more loving and have more love- in every way possible. And this I will learn from the one and only Being that knows more than I ever will. Hence I will always have more to learn if I desire it so. Love is as infinite as this Being. And yes I desire to follow in the footsteps of such greatness and love, and also to become an infinite being as a consequence. For where there is love there is no room for fear or hatred. They cannot exist in the same space at the same time.

So what is in your heart and is what is in your heart consistent? Are you one of the millions of hypocrites that change their beliefs to suit the situation and the crowd you are with? So again, what is in your heart? What are you prepared to give up to have this Divine Love?

I know I have lived in fear and have had hatred within my soul (and still do), but I have made a choice. I have executed my desire to know who I am and to know my creator, my true parent. I also know of the love of which I speak and I know it is there for everyone. It’s about admitting we can be wrong about anything and everything so that we can be open enough to seek truth beyond the known and the common. It’s your choice to seek this love or to sit there and have your chocolate cake, cup of java or glass of wine. It is through your choice that you will know the truth of which one is truly best for you.  So ponder this and let me know what you think: “To truly have your cake and eat it is to let go of the idea that you need to have your cake and eat it.”

If it’s happening to me – It’s because of me!

Have you ever wondered why bad things keep happening to you? Why one minute things are going sweetly and the next contains hurt or tragedy? WE can have control over whether life beats us up or builds us up through the choices we make and through the lack of choices we make. We can go through life and blame it or others for all of the unpleasant situations that come to us or WE can take charge and change the parts of self which draw these situations to us. I totally believe that everything happens to us whether pleasant or unpleasant due to what is in the depths of our heart and soul. Through changing what is in our soul we change what events life brings us. It’s quite simple and I believe that until you personally realise this truth for yourself and act on it, life will continue as it has up until now.

The title of this post says it all: If it’s happening to me – It’s because of me! Some may balk at this and to some this may seem farfetched or laughable, but if you took the time to experiment with this as I have, you would be greatly surprised and maybe even learn a few things about yourself. This to me has been the biggest and best lesson that I have learned thus far. I share this in hope that it may help and inspire others on their path.

You see, I was one of these people who were on the “rat wheel” for most of their life, running around in circles and repeating the same things over and over again. Occasionally stopping but eventually hopping back on that wheel or a similar one. And then I learned this, “To change something, you have to CHANGE something”. This is not always something physical. Our beliefs about ourselves, life and everything in it are all driven by our heart and soul. Our mind is a tool which we can choose to help access the truth of what is in our soul.  When the two work together we can create our life in harmony with all other life. But be warned, commencing this journey to self may reveal that the truth is not all we want it to be. We can choose to ignore what we uncover or we can acknowledge it, accept that “this is who I am right now” and then make a decision to release the parts which bring pain and suffering. How do you know the difference? If the result is joy – keep it, if the result is pain – change it. One thing to remember though is that the results of some actions can take many years to manifest, so I recommend the use common sense in your discernment.

 One of the first things I changed was my beliefs about what I considered loving and this may be something you will also need to consider. The soul is like a storage box. It is filled with all sorts of stuff, generally stuff we don’t need, stuff that gets old, mouldy and creates pain. For new stuff to come in, old stuff has to be taken out, then there will be room for new things – new beliefs, feelings and understanding. Do some spring cleaning on your belief system, not just your house and surroundings!

In the past like many others, I have chosen to compromise and find an acceptable means of indirectly harming myself, rather than opting to discover my own personal power and honouring it. This is where most low self-esteem issues and lack of self-worth originates from. Have you ever considered that the reason why you feel unworthy or have low self-esteem is due to not honouring and loving yourself? How well do you know yourself – really know yourself? What are your beliefs and your values and do they help you or hinder you from growth? Do you ever get bored, apathetic or just don’t know what you want from life? All of these are from not knowing and dishonouring self. Are you happy with the result that years of moulding by parents, friends and society have created – the “you” that you know now? Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are? Or do you just accept that life will continue bringing you pain and hardship because that’s how it has been for generation after generation?

Let’s look at what a lack of self-worth can create. It creates anger, fear, bitterness, greed and a desire for power. If we knew the truth about ourselves and then through desire found our own personal worth and love which brings its own power, we wouldn’t have wars or have a desire to harm others. Self-love and personal power bring inner peace and opens us up to the gift of abundance in all avenues of life. We are then also in a space of acceptance of all people regardless of what part of the journey they are on. Tolerance brings compassion and forgiveness.

Generally speaking, I see daily how society manipulates the population to believe that doing for ourselves is selfish, If you look back at what you were taught from a young age, were you told that you HAD to share whether you wanted to or not? Regardless of the generosity of sharing, you were generally not given the choice and then subsequently punished for not following those instructions.  So now instead when you don’t share you feel guilty, ashamed or are compulsive in some way. But then after several generations many may be selfish, all due to emotions of lack within in some shape or form. ANY feeling of lack is about a lack of self-awareness, self-acceptance and self-love, all of which come from not knowing self. But do most of us question the choices and actions that we make? Is there anyone out there besides me that desires to know the truth of who they REALLY are and why they are that way and most of all how to change?

It is quite ironic that the same society that taught us not to be selfish and in turn helped create our lack of self-worth, then in the same breath, uses these false beliefs we have in ourselves to sell us products and merchandise that helps cement these errors into our psyche. Society feeds on our beliefs and emotions of unworthiness through want and greed, and then makes a fortune from it. It is profitable to have a population that feels bad about themselves, that doesn’t want them to find out the truth or to start being responsible for themselves. This same population will believe anything that is told to them rather than find the truth for themselves. Someone is getting rich off of your ignorance – some call it consumerism. Our emotional state is so easy to manipulate and it’s not only psychologist that have this knowledge. So why not choose to change your emotional state?

After a rather large sigh I can add that regardless of what I say, some people will choose ignorance, maybe because it’s easy or because it’s all they have ever known. They may merely not be aware that there are other options or that they themselves allow this manipulation to go on. Whether you choose to bury your head in the sand or just say some angry words, you don’t actually change where it counts the most and that starts with YOU. Change yourself and the world changes around you. There are many quotes out there with this wisdom, it’s not new and you don’t have to listen to me.

At the end of the day it is all up to you, because it is always only ever about you. Your life happens because of everything that comes from your soul and your soul is emotional. If you are changing your mind and nothing changes significantly, then try changing your heart and feel the difference. It is always your choice.

Above I have mentioned honouring self and I really believe this is crucial part of self-love but there is an honour that is greater still. To conclude I wish to add one final note and all I ask is that you simply be open to the possibility. As with the concept of experimenting with honouring self, consider honouring God as someone separate to self and see what that brings you. Give it a try, what have you got to lose?

I believe that as we learn to love and honour ourselves, all honour and glory should be to God. For as we did not create ourselves, our life journey is always to seek the truth of whom we are so that we may one day hopefully desire to know our Creator. At this moment we are but an image of the Divine and to become the substance we need to develop a desire for it. It isn’t something that we are born with or that will naturally come to us. There needs to be a conscious desire for it.

And once you start this part of your journey you will learn something new that goes against what I wrote above about having control. Involve God in your journey and you will discover that to get closer to God you will have to learn how to relinquish that control . . . . Confused?  Now that is a topic for a future post.

Even though I may not put this on the bottom of all of my posts, all comments are welcome and if you do, please remember this is my journey and you don’t have to agree with me or walk with me.

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