Life in the Matrix

For those who have seen the movie “The Matrix” would agree with me that the Matrix itself is a fictitious construct and not the “real world”. The characters effectively “wake up” through desiring truth. But if you follow the rest of the story, it is one based on a struggle for survival – pretty much what they woke up from. So did they actually escape? Their truth changed but nothing effectively got better. To me it portrays life as being one fight after another! Does it have to be that way or is there truly a way out?

To the best of my ability, I will be using some computing terminology to illustrate my meaning. The Matrix according to me:

I believe the Matrix is the real world, it is our belief of how to live in it that is flawed. Simply, the Matrix is the world we live in through our belief systems and emotional state

The general understanding of life in the Matrix is a falsehood that has been passed down through the generations. Each generation teaching the next how to create and live within the Matrix thus adding to the deception. As soon as we are in the womb we automatically absorb the knowledge of the Matrix through the understanding that our mother has of it, through her own experience and that which has been passed down to her. We also absorb information from outside of the womb, from the surroundings of the Matrix itself and its inhabitants: So by the time we are born there is a heap of programming already within us as to what is expected of “Living in the Matrix”.

Our early childhood years is where more data enters us through being part of the Matrix and helps to reinforce the specifics of the program. As we get older we begin to live life through how we understand the Matrix works and start creating our life.

On top of that, we are oblivious to the fact that the Matrix has a Creator who lovingly designed it and had different intentions for the use of it. The Creator’s benevolence gave us all free will to do whatever we want in the Matrix (with our life), and a part of that was that the Creator would not (and does not) interfere with our decisions.

The Creator being the most loving of beings also wanted us to be happy and thus put in place laws to hopefully help us understand when we are doing anything to hurt ourselves, others and constructs within the Matrix: Acts that would cause unhappiness (pain and suffering) and show us the errors within the program. Unfortunately, most of us don’t see the warning signs: They start off subtly and gradually get more apparent, like a malicious virus corrupting more and more data files. Due to the generational data passed down to us, as well as our own choices and actions, our understanding of these signs is misinterpreted by us, distorted or overwritten by the numerous viruses within the Matrix.

The Creator ultimately created a (virus free) platform where we could learn about ourselves and other things within the Matrix and about love. The Creator also gave us the ability to choose to do whatever we wanted to: to live in the lie of our current understanding of the Matrix or to desire the truth as the Creator knows it: that our false thoughts, beliefs and unfelt emotions that are the virus; and that we can live without struggle.

How? We would have to seek out the Creator, to desire to know about living in truth – as the Creator does. But many of us won’t. Why? Because that would mean being willing to deconstruct ALL of the corrupted programming that we currently live our lives by, including our beliefs of who or what the Creator is. To let go of everything we believe is the purpose of the Matrix and how we live in it.

I’m game! . . . Are you?


A Moment of Honesty

I am excited to share this about my life and what I have written and I’d love to hear your comments. Many may read this and feel it is depressing, and others will see something greater. Some may see or feel how this relates to them, but I say now that it relates to many!


I have come to the realisation that we as humans are living life back to front. Much emphasis is put on achieving physical goals and sometimes spiritual growth, but none is being placed on Soul based development. I thought I was pursuing this until now! I see us all as neglecting to seek Soul based knowledge – and if our real self is our Soul, would it not make sense to want to learn more about who we really are (a Soul) rather than focusing on what is happening on TV or about buying that special car or diamond ring? Well I am interested, and so I write this for me.

I realise that personal Soul growth is most important and should be my no. 1 focus. If I imagine for a moment in a simplified manner that I, yes ME, as being the cause of what happens to or around me – then if I am angry (or any other emotion), then I am the one that has to look at that emotion. But instead of feeling through this anger I choose to either; punish myself or project it out onto others. I generally do this through blame, as blaming someone or something else other than myself is so much simpler, right? I blame others for how I feel. I make justifications for why I do these things, I also minimalize and deny it so that I can feel better about myself, totally removing all responsibility.

Oh how easy it is to blame others for how I feel and for what is happening to me or not happening. I feel much power from removing all responsibility for my actions from myself. This IS the fictitious world I have created around me, my façade! I live through this façade, oh how powerful and special I am. I can be anyone this way. No one has to know the real me. I can surround myself with people and things that keep the illusion going – a wonderful husband and a lovely life! I can even appear to be more loving, compassionate and caring, heck, I can be queen of my illusionary castle.

At the end of the day though (whenever that day is), I will need to face reality….and why do I have to? Because at that time the pain of my denial will be so great that I will call out louder than I ever have before. I will call and call and call! I will ask for someone, anyone, to come and rid me of the pain, a pain which I have created through my ignorance and arrogance. “Oh please won’t someone save me from my torment!” I call out to God. But the response is silence, but why, as I know God exists, which is more than most people. Again I cry out. Still nothing. Then I realise, even now I have not learnt my lesson. I am still waiting for someone to save me. I am still fooling myself as I have not changed. I still get angry, I still have emotions of grandeur, act out of addictions of purposeful ignorance, arrogance and wilful denial. So the pain continues, festers and grows.

It would have been so much more loving and easy way back when I was younger, but I was not aware of what I know now, that everything that happens to me is to trigger me and show me that I am denying God’s truth and because of that I create pain and darkness. It is time to take responsibility and not blame others for how I feel and what has happened to me. One day when I choose to open up my heart and feel the truth of the situation, I will find that the answer was always there, always trying to assist me – designed to assist me.

In time I will become weary of the pain and know that no one is coming to save me. I will in my last desperate attempt to call for help, I call for God again, and I wonder what will be different about how I call this time?

My reflection on my life will show me familiar things, but not in a way I have ever seen them and in a way that I had never conceived of seeing or knowing. I will now choose to be humble and feel the pain of what I have done through all of my erroneous beliefs. And right there and then I will realise that I have up until now, never opened my heart. I am asking from my Soul. Truth will flood in and for the first time I will know beyond doubt that God is real. I will feel the truth of how I have caused others pain, and the animals, the planet and myself. I will see that everything is about me, but not in a narcissistic way, but rather that my growth in light or darkness is up to me and that there is truth out there that I have been reluctant to notice until now. My openness and desire creates a connection with God through my sincerity to want to know His Divine Truth, and I will be certain that this is the only thing that will set me free. For this is the only gateway to Her Divine Love and the Divine Kingdom.

So – It begins and ends with me! What does this mean? It means that no one is coming to save me! No-one! I need to make the choice to be willing to save myself and not through the Willpower of the mind, but through the emotional Will of my Soul. And in this moment I realise that I have been the most honest I have ever been in my life thus far. So this story is not one of despair, but one of humility, a genuine sincerity to be real.

Truth is Infinite

Every moment of the day we can choose either misery or happiness, love or hate, light or darkness. This choice either lifts our vibration or lowers it. The higher our vibration the more truth we have access to. Truth is as infinite as the source. Be hungry for truth as we are always able to learn more truth. Holding onto something that is truth for you today may not serve you tomorrow. .

Always strive to be better, to raise your vibration.

“For a man at the top of the giant oak can see more than the one standing near the roots”.

Live in it – as knowledge of truth is nothing until applied.

“You only truly understand something by sharing it with someone else until they understand it”.

Understanding Life

To me life is about finding Peace! It is about being calm and patient enough to connect with self (and to source).

I believe we all have a past that makes up the sum of who we are today. We all react differently to whatever life dishes out. We all interpret what happens to us in our own unique way. As in life also in death – I see now that everyone has a story, even “demons”.  That is why it isn’t about fighting our demons; it isn’t about fighting at all. It is quite the opposite. That being said, we can still stand up for what we believe in – without angst. I feel fighting stems from a lack of understanding. But to do that we must let go of fear and to desire to see things for what they really are.

In my own life I am becoming aware of how my childhood beliefs have carried through into my adult life. I am also becoming aware of the behaviours and unrealistic survival mechanisms I created as a result of these false beliefs. Once prudent for a child yet debilitating to an adult. I held onto these lies as though they were truth. Now when I become aware of one I consciously focus on it with intention to locate the cause. Some beliefs can be changed simply by replacing it with a new one, while others have an emotional core. I find it is through the constructive expression (or experience) of these emotional cores that allows the release, bringing healing of a higher nature. It is quite fascinating!

By choosing understanding, I choose to face the truth about myself. By making this choice I have also discovered that I have avoided many of the good things in life as well, such as joy, fun and abundance in all forms. It is not just about clearing the disharmony, but also allowing the harmonious to be part of my life. I now see more joy and wonderment in everything. I meet people who are happy and at peace with themselves and the rest of the world. I feel a sense of freedom as I breathe in a higher truth.

My journey is my journey and I don’t need to rush it. All I know is that I am moving forward in love through understanding. I have heard it said many times that it is about the journey and everyone’s journey is unique. It is about constant learning. There is no right or wrong, there just is! In this day and age there seems to a sense of urgency, everyone is in a hurry. There is little time for rest and quiet or solitude. I feel it is because we don’t ask enough questions about life. How can we at that pace! Question everything, including this! Does how you are living your life make sense? Does it really? Do your beliefs serve you or keep you imprisoned in a fictitious façade?

So to finish I would like to conclude that patience has many degrees, with many lessons and an even greater number of rewards. Choice is everything: we can choose understanding or ignorance. I personally choose to move forward in understanding. Anyone care to join me?


Back to Basics

As I am now focusing on learning to love myself, I have been going through older journals to when I first learned about emotional processing and I see new information that I somehow skipped the first time around, the bits that I wasn’t ready or willing to hear then. My notes covered the fundamental, yet key steps which I have been following ever since. As I kept reading I realised why I still follow the teachings I was introduced to over two years ago – that reason being because it all made sense and I also know the process works. Back then something inside ‘clicked’ and I knew that for me, this was the missing piece of the jigsaw puzzle

 Some days it’s not easy to be honest with myself and to own my emotions thus I am quick to judge. I don’t consciously beat myself up, but I am beginning to be aware of certain repeated patterns, generally through hind sight. My notes have been really handy as they remind me that most of my causal emotions entered me within the first 10 years of my life. I was only a child, so why do I judge myself so harshly? I need to take a step back, pause, employ a more gentle approach and consider the child within.

 Since I started on my emotional journey I have learned so much about myself and it is only the tip of the iceberg. As I remind myself that all sickness is emotional; I myself am responsible for all of the pain I experience.  Along the way I have found various tools that have aided me in my journey alongside the every day encounters with people.  I focus my intention to connect to my deep causal emotions, it is only then that these tools can be affective.

 I personally have utilized the assistance of a various techniques of energy work to help me. Through this I am reminded why energy healing is so affective: Energy flow in our spirit-body is what keeps us well. When there is a block to the flow of energy in any part of our spirit-body, our physical body is also affected if the energy is reduced for any amount of time. That then exposes the corresponding part of our body to outside risks (colds, flu) as well as internal risks (cancer).

One of my desires is to improve my quality of life and basically I have chosen this path. I now reflect on how it all works.  My emotional (soul) condition is what governs my law of attraction. What I create/manifest is reflected back at me through my Law of Attraction. So if my creation/manifestation is not as positive as I would like it to be, then I need to change my soul condition. At the same time the Law of Cause and Effect is in play.  I realise that trying to change the effect is pointless while the cause is still inside of me; it’s like a dog chasing its own tail.  So in a nutshell: I need to improve my soul condition; address the cause by experiencing all of my emotions, which ultimately changes the effect and therefore my Law of Attraction.

 As I learn to become more heart/soul oriented, I am noticing the lessening of emotional numbness/suppression which is generated by the intellectual gymnastics that is going on inside my head. I need to slow down, there’s no need to hurry and thus as I learn to be patient with myself I see that I don’t always have to get it right. All that matters is that I hang in there, as every small step forward produces results. It is incredible to feel and see the change within myself and the people around me as I progress. This process is so simple, yet not easy. It takes a lot of courage and honesty with oneself to undertake such a journey. My growing desire creates the dedication to continue my evolution from a thought/intellectual dominant being into the emotional Soul that I was created to be.

Bump in the Road

Earlier this month, I awoke with a strange sensation in my knees and put it down to how I was laying in bed.  At work as the day progressed, I found it difficult to manage the stairs and by the end of the day I could barely stand. I managed to get to my car and thankfully driving was less painful, so I got home without incident.

 The next morning I found it hard to stand and walking was unbearable. I knew within myself I had to keep off of my feet, yet find out what was happening to me. With assistance made it to see my GP and tests were arranged.

 I thought back to the day before my knees failed on me to pinpoint what may have been the trigger. The day was filled with events that separately were insignificant, but the culmination of them may have been enough to generate the crisis.

 X-rays of both knees showed osteoarthritis and the MRI of my right knee, which was swollen, showed a small bakers cyst and effusion.  My GP explained all of my options which included physiotherapy, cortisone injections and arthroscopy. Total knee reconstruction being required in most cases like this down the track. I made up my mind well before she had finished talking. I want a chance to heal without surgery or other invasive techniques. 

 Being as health conscious as I am nowadays, I am opting for what I see as the most natural way to heal. So now I am under the guidance of a health care professional. I am learning how to strengthen muscles that are essential for knee support and currently not being optimally utilized. I am exercising daily and also taking high quality supplements to rebuild that which is damaged.  I am boosting the results with self-healing along the way.

So ultimately I am learning new ways of looking after No 1, as well as being patient with myself. Even if I have to look at the other options again in the future – my intention is to be well again.


The word commitment popped up for me several times this week. This triggered emotions that went as far back as my early childhood. As a result of processing through them I now have a new level of awareness.

There have been many periods of my life where I have been committed to various people and even organizations. Be it marriage, family, children, friends, employers and even to paying loans on time, all being given a great deal of commitment on my part.

I also realise that kids grow up, friends move on, jobs change and even marriages end. I am now at a time in my life where I notice these old patterns and as I look in the mirror at my aging features I realise I have done it all back to front.

Out of all of the people I have been committed to in the past, the one to get the least amount of attention was me. Sure I did the basics, because whether I was conscious of it or not, I still breathed, ate, bathed etc as part of my autonomous programming.

I wonder how many people choose to change their life for the better daily. Things like eating for health, giving up habits like smoking and alcohol or just looking after aching knees. And not just making the choice but consciously following through with action.

It never dawned on me to show myself the same level of commitment and nurturing that I did to others. Even after reading a multitude of books and learning different healing modalities that emphasized the importance of self love, I still didn’t hear the message behind the words.

Wow, if only I had accepted the truth to put myself first years ago, I would have been in such better condition to look after others. Not to mention the benefits of loving No. 1.

Alas, that is all in the past and what matters is what I do from this moment on. I now have the desire to change. It’s time to put this new found awareness into practice and start the journey of self-love and nurturing.

Thus a new chapter begins.